2011 – In Retrospect

Another year gone by. And here we are, in the apocalyptic year of 2012. The Mayans and various Hollywood directors would have us believe that the earth as we know it will self-combust and we shall all cease to be. And while, I am totally cool with this view point, I refuse to accept the hypothesis of me dying before I get a degree. Its so not happening. Really really not happening.

This past year has been fraught with ups and downs – personally and professionally. Working in an environment that you don’t want to be in can take its toll on you and yet I’ve learned a lot during my industrial training period. I learned to make the most brilliant cupcakes. I learnt to make perfect rolled omelettes. I learned how to smuggle sandwiches out of the kitchen for my friends. And most importantly, yet another incident in my life has taught me just how important it is to remain strong in the face of adversity. Handling the responsibility of being a class rep has made me realize that I’ m not all that bad when it comes to being in a leadership role.

This past year, I’ve dealt with the consequences of self-initiated fall-outs with some of my closest friends. There are some things that you should never say to friends because its bloody difficult to take back that moment of stupidity. So, to one of the nicest friends I’ve ever had – Official Criminal, I really do hate the music you listen to (Akon, really?) and I hate your stupid jokes but otherwise you ain’t all that bad and I’m sorry for all the crap I said. And Creep, I’m sorry I fought with you, over the most nonsensical thing ever. I can’t believe I ignored you for 2 DAYS! (I know I’ve apologized to both of you before, but just shut up and accept this one too!)

And this year, I fell out of love. Exhilarating. Genuinely. It feels like you’re seeing sunlight for the first time. Moving on might be the hardest thing to do but at times it is the best thing to do. After a point, you have to stop pretending that you’re happy because the person you love is happy with someone else; as long he’s happy you tell yourself. It just pushes you deeper and deeper into depression. So, I guess the harsh lesson to be learnt is – face reality, get your act together and move on!

A lot of other stuff happened too! I saw an F1 race live! I waved out to Schumacher! I held a Ferrari flag in my hands! I saw Vettel race to victory! BIC FTW! I got passes for the Metallica concert in Delhi and instead of seeing them perform, I saw people break security barriers and destroy equipment. In the ultimate fashion faux pas, many people wore Bob Marley t-shirts to the concert. There is no logical explanation for this as of now and I doubt there ever will be.

I may consider putting up a funnier version of this post later. Oh well, more suffering for you!

Change!

As you may or may not have noticed, I have changed my blog name to Zargo. Those of you who have read the greatest book ever – The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy, will now that Zargo is short for Zargon, the legendary prophet and namesake of my imaginary home planet.

Those of you who haven’t read the book – your life is incomplete. But that is S.E.P.

Privacy? C’est Impossible!

Privacy laws have come under the scanner of late. Facebook and Apple – 2 of the biggest tech giants, are facing lawsuits regarding (what is seen as) the unlawful storage of consumer data.

Closer to home, this issue has now become one of personal importance. Startling news regarding data storage on the college server has not only come as a shock to me, but if proven to be true, it can forever change the way I utilize the tech solutions the college provides. Some say its justified if the college looks through our personal files. After all, we are assets. They have a right to know what’s happening in our lives. I say, it isn’t justified. I don’t want someone sitting in a dark room full of wires and screens reading the poems I type out on my laptop or seeing the pictures I store and sync to my iTouch.

It is a gross invasion of privacy. An invasion, which potentially, can lead to a lawsuit. In this day and age, devices like laptops and cellphones hold the key to your life.People store all sorts of information – passwords to email accounts, ATM pins, social security numbers. Imagine someone having unrestricted access to all the information you save. Nightmare, isn’t it?

In similar news, a classmate copied one of the poems I’ve posted on this blog and used it as his status on Facebook. I would not have a problem with this if he had bothered to link back to the original blog post (https://iris04.wordpress.com/2010/05/20/good-grief/) or at least tag me as the author in the status. But, he didn’t do either. While I may not have an actual copyright licence for the content on this blog, I do believe that basic ‘netiquette’ demands you credit the original author.

Bitching & Moaning

I know I’ve become irregular with posting on my blog. Its not something I’m particularly happy about. But, 2nd year at college leaves you quite drained and incapable of forming coherent sentences. Its like being a depressed drunkard all day long.

Assignments, post-adolescent drama, senseless practicals – that’s what 2nd year is about. Probably the millionth time I’m cribbing about Indian Cuisine practicals today, but it really can’t be helped. They’re so effing pointless! We barely do anything on the day’s menu. The reason – apparently, we’ll mess up half the dishes. Well, how else are we supposed to learn?! Thankfully, the Global Food Perspective practicals are happening the way they should.  To top it all off, I don’t have time to go back home from January to June. Gotta love training!

Also, I have only Rs. 900 left in my bank account. And somehow, I am to survive on this princely sum till mid-December. With assignment submissions due, printouts will cost nothing short of Rs.100. Then, there’s travel expenditure and transport really isn’t cheap in this city.

The next few months are going to be hell..

P.S. – Did you know being around doofusy people is not all that bad as it may seem?

Parts.

Something  I wrote during low tide at the live egg counter in the restaurant at Taj -

‘I was born in a grey world, vast and lonely.

Held in the arms of one, who knew not that I was her own.

Cursed to be free and yet tied down by shackles.

Reborn in the arms of a man,

There was ice in his eyes,

and fire in his soul.’

It gets oddly lonely during training. And the fact that I stay alone in my room doesn’t help much. I know its weird that I’m saying this..considering its me, a certified loner. But I’m human too. Sometimes all you need is someone else. The greatest tragedy of them all is that its almost impossible for me to have someone else. Funny how things work..

And now, finalement, the very beginning of my story! -

I write furiously through the night, hoping that by the end of it, I’ll be able to make some sense of everything that’s happened. And with
each inked word of hate, all I remember is her. I wish I could just forget her and move on. She certainly has. But I keep
remembering our last kiss and the way she softly whispered ‘Goodbye’. This is our story.

Life can seem incomplete even when you have everything you want. Which is exactly what my situation was before I met her. I had everything I wanted, and nothing I needed.

It was a rainy day when I first met her. My favourite coffee shop was shut for the day and I was standing on the pavement abusing the ‘closed’ sign on the door. Five minutes into my tirade, I realized someone was standing behind me. Turned around to see who it was. And I just stood and stared. She was so breathtakingly beautiful. She was laughing at my outburst and I grinned sheepishly at her. ” I really like my caffeine”, I said awkwardly. “I can see that”, she replied, “but you know there are other  places that do in fact serve coffee.” ” Come, I’ll show you a place”. On our way to the other place she introduced herself to me. She told me her name was Sophie and she was sort of in-between jobs at the moment. I told her I was a caffeine addict with no hope for rehabilitation but I spend most of my time designing houses. I don’t think I realized it then but in retrospect, I think I’d fallen in love with her from the moment I saw her.

-

I was going to type out the entire first chapter but as is obvious from the above excerpt, I really need to work on my dialogue writing skills. So, I shall put up the remaining part of the chapter once I’ve resolved that issue.

 

Of Training and Doofuses

A lot hasn’t changed in the one  and a half months I haven’t posted. Well, one thing has changed..training has started. Hello there hellish 9 hr shifts!

We’re supposed to work for a month in the college kitchen and then one month in the Taj hotel here. I’m already done working in the bakery in college. Didn’t think I could ever develop forearm muscles but creaming large quantities of butter and sugar by hand everyday has changed all that. Spent a week making muffins, danish pastry, cookies, cinnamon rolls etc.

Now, I’m working in the pre-prep area. This is where the vegetables, meats etc. get cut for the food cooked in the cafetaria kitchen. According to me, the pre-prep is the most intense operational area in college. You have to handle knives for the entire duration of your shift. And cut vegetables in bulk, upwards of 3 kilos. This area is also the one place where its almost certain you’ll get cut while chopping vegetables etc. Yesterday, about half an hour after I’d chopped 500g of green chillies, my hands started to burn. And then didn’t stop burning for  10 hours. I tried everything – washed my hands in cold water, put aloe, stuck my hands to the steel counters in the walk-in refrigerator, even put coconut oil on my hands. Nothing worked. And then, one of the faculty members in college suggested an anti-allergenic tablet. And bingo! My hands stopped burning within an hour. My fingertips are still slightly numb but its tolerable compared to the hell I was in yesterday. Anyway, this means, I’m allergic to chillies! Who knew! So, now I have to wear gloves when I handle chillies. Yay!

In other news, I have migraine now. Life can be so freaking awesome at times!

Also, a friend, who for blogging purposes shall be referred to as Doofus, gave me the following –  all the 10 seasons of Friends (with the blooper reels!), the first five seasons of How I Met Your Mother, all the seasons of Scrubs, all the seasons of Entourage, all the seasons of Man vs. Food and top it all of, his external drive even had Akira Kurosawa’s Seven Samurai! Been trying to buy that movie for more than a year now! Have loads of entertainment now! Tra la lala la la!

 

Where I Stood

I wonder if any of the mindless readers of my blog have heard Missy Higgins’ Where I Stood. Its one of my favourites.

Here are the lyrics -

I don’t know what I’ve done
Or if I like what I’ve begun
But something told me to run
And honey you know me it’s all or none

There were sounds in my head
LIttle voices whispering
That I should go and this should end
Oh and I found myself listening

‘Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don’t know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
‘Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood

See I thought love was black and white
That it was wrong or it was right
But you ain’t leaving without a fight
And I think I am just as torn inside

‘Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don’t know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
‘Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood

And I won’t be far from where you are if ever you should call
You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all
But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you
This is what I have to do

‘Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don’t know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
‘Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood
Oh, she who dares to stand where I stood –

Somehow, this song helps me a lot in writing the story.

Here’s the new excerpt as promised to Dubs-

‘ She tells me I’m beautiful. I wouldn’t believe it if someone else had said it. But she says it with such intensity, that its difficult not to believe her. I wish she didn’t have to leave. I wish we could just stay here forever, in comfortable silence, holding hands. I watch as she leaves. The door shuts behind her. I start counting down the minutes for her to come back.

I know she doesn’t love me, the way I love her. It doesn’t surprise me. There’s not much to love in me. But somehow, when I look at her, I feel like maybe..just maybe, someone can fall in love with me. She is the light at the end of the dark tunnel that is my life. I think tonight, I’ll finally tell her how I feel. I’ll finally tell her that I love her.’

Opinions?

Back!

I’m back! Not by popular demand but, here I am!

I know its been ages since I last posted and for that, I apologize somewhat sincerely. Its been pretty crazy these past few weeks. Exams ended on 13th April. I doubt I’m going to do well in them. Was too busy checking facebook notifications and running away from mice to study. Packing to leave hostel was absolutely crazy. I left almost immediately after the last exam. And managed to pack all my stuff (and there’s a lot of it) in an hour! Towards the end, I was just dumping stuff on the backseat of the car. The last time I walked out of hostel I had one shoe, a towel and a belt in my hands.

Anyway, summer vacation has started now and I’m bored to death. Been eating way too many mangoes and watermelons. I stay up all night and sleep at 7 in the morning. But before I sleep I go for a long walk. I wake up at noon..eat lunch, watch tv, attend guitar class and once in a while meet a friend. Life has so much more purpose back in hostel.

More cribbing later. Look out for the next post. Fresh excerpt!

Choking With Emotion

The last few days have been painfully long. I have a cold. To put that in some perspective, its 39-40 C outside. I cough day in, day out. Go to the toilet every 10 mins to rid my throat of phlegm. Curse as I choke on awesome food that shouldn’t be consumed by invalids. The best bit – I had an exam today! Stupid exam, but an exam nonetheless. Ah well, c’est la vie!

So, a while back I promised I’d put up another excerpt from my story. And apparently, I do keep my promises. But before I post the excerpt, I thought I’d give you guys a brief description of the story, just in case some of you haven’t read the previous stuff. In this depressingly mushy story, a girl falls in love with a girl she meets at a coffee shop. It quickly becomes the sort of romance where you lose all sense of self. The two lovers go through a whole lot of ups and downs. Hopefully, they end up together. You’d think I’d know that, but I haven’t yet written the ending. So, here goes..the new excerpt.

‘ We walk all night. We talk all night. Sometimes, when I’m with her, I feel like I’m in a movie. Everything seems so unreal. She can make me laugh with a single word, a single expression. She made me realize how much I miss my own smile. She holds my hand as we walk up the grey pavement leading to my house. Its already early morning. I don’t want to say ‘goodbye’. I don’t want to see her leaving. Unsure of what to say, I end up inviting her in for a cup of coffee. My heart starts beating just a little bit faster. Pounding. Her hand covers mine as I turn the doorknob. Questions race through my mind. I don’t know if I’m ready for the next step yet. I close the door behind her. Tell myself to calm down. I turn, only to see her staring at me. She casts a nervous gaze on my lips, then looks away.’

Well, that’s all for now. Er..I’m sorry to disappoint those who mid-way through the excerpt expected a pervy sex scene. Maybe, next time..

P.S. Tomorrow is my brother’s birthday *wild applause*. The adorable idiot is turning 27.

 

We Remain Actively Passive

The first statement released after any act of violence is always ‘ we deeply condemn this incident’. In the quest for diplomacy, we lose some of our humanity.

Over the last few days, there has been a lot of talk about euthanasia in India. The person in question is Aruna Ramachandra Shanbaug.

Aruna was a young nurse working in K.E.M Hospital, Bombay. In November, 1973, she was attacked by an employee in the hospital, Sohanlal. He attacked her while she was changing her clothes. He choked her with a dog chain, sodomized her and left her in the bathroom. The strangulation led to a lack in oxygen supply to Aruna’s brain. It left her in a Permanent Vegetative State..

Sohanlal was caught and sentenced for assault and robbery. He served two concurrent 7 year sentences. He was not sentenced for the act of sodomy as the Dean of the Hospital had covered up that information, not wanting to harm Aruna’s reputation.

For the past 37 years, the nurses of K.E.M Hospital have been taking care of her, ensuring that no harm comes to her. Sohanlal returned twice after being released from jail to try and kill Aruna. Each time, unsuccessful. There have been attempts to shift Aruna out of the hospital in order to vacate the bed she has been occupying for all these years. But intense protests from the nurses has been prevented any such permanent move from occurring.

In 2010, Aruna’s friend, Pinki Virani, put up an appeal to end Aruna’s life in the Supreme Court. The Supreme Court while reviewing the petition stated that while they cannot allow active euthanasia, they can allow passive euthanasia.

What is the difference?

Active euthanasia involves the usage of lethal substances or force to kill someone. Whereas, passive euthanasia involves stopping all forms of medical treatments that are keeping the person alive.

In the midst of everything, Aruna’s case has become just another public spectacle. Something the media reports day in-day out for a week or so and then completely forgets about it. We, the heartless spectators, watch this frenzy, pass a few comments and stare as politicians and the public argue things out on national televison.

We go on a few candle marches, shout some catchphrases into a mic and then go back to the comfort of our homes. Eventually, everyone forgets the story. There’s always some new scandal to pore over.

We convince ourselves that we’ve done our part. Not realizing that justice has not been served. Justice is not just sending the guilty person to jail. Justice is ensuring the person stays there. Justice is ensuring that acts of violence reduce in number. Justice is ensuring the victim never feels let down by society. On most counts we fail. And in that respect, we are guilty.

For some reason, we, as humans, fail to realize that the person affected is also a human. We poke them , prod them, and ask them to tell us how they feel after just being brutally raped. After all, we do need a sensational line. TRPs are more important than emotions. Because as Bombay collapsed, as people died, it was absolutely imperative that a filmmaker be given a tour of the bullet ridden walls of India’s most famous hotel.

I deeply condemn the above.