pointless existence

just came across a blog -http://beforeshedies.wordpress.com/. basically, the author of the blog, Kate, has decided she must read 1001 books before she dies. readers of my blog might think i approve of such an amazing idea and yet, i don’t.

Kate is 18. that’s my age. and i don’t like knowing that there are freakishly intelligent teens out there. lament of the unintelligent, some might think. not true. i read too you know. i may not have read Metamorphoses by Ovid but I have read Voltaire (in your face Kate!). and anyone who hasn’t read Douglas Adams deserves to die a slow and painful death. however, the point remains the same – intelligent teens must be banned! (if you haven’t figured it out yet, i’m jobless and i like making up conspiracies and banning stuff.)

next topic – the bird armies concept is spreading like wildfire . after all, i came up with it. a lot of people, 11 to be precise are freaked out by the whole ‘mutated-birds-eating-away-at-humans’ thing. soon, 12 people shall be freaked out and then my plan for world domination shall be fulfilled (or some such less awe-inspiring thing).

today, i abandoned my usual routine of watching tv and lazing around my room. i actually clicked photographs of flowers in my garden. i also took photographs of phallic fruits. for some reason, trees in my garden insist on producing these. aliens may be responsible for this selective mutation of fruits.

P.S. – my sincere apologies to Kate for bitching about her. i would make it up to her, except i lack the willpower to get off my beanbag and do stuff for someone else. sorry again! but i really do think that her plan is amazing. hope she succeeds.

i’m back

after a brief hiatus, i’m back with more conspiracy theories, dead onions and a somewhat less inflated opinion of my self. ok. none of the above is true. except for the ‘dead onions’ bit. they really did die. RIP dead onions. i shall remember thee.

i really enjoyed these past couple of weeks. watched some great movies, had lots of fun with my friends and i’ve finally become happy. for the first time in my life, i was honest with my family and its lifted a load off my shoulders. more details on the matter will not be given in this forum. but i’m glad the truth’s out. i feel free.

anyway, i’ve been thinking- what if i write a book about my ‘aliens, vikings and ducks’ conspiracy theory? you guys think anyone will buy it? it’ll definitely be something different. i think its a good idea. the introduction to my book will be written by Doofenschmirtz in the language of ‘pure evil’. i’m thinking of asking my useless friends to guest write a few chapters. wow, i really need to get a life.

P.S- the post is tagged with ‘sex’, ‘boobs’ and ‘booze’ just for fun. i apologize to all those who thought they’d just found paradise. you perverts!

aliens, vikings and ducks

as is evident from the title of this post i have completely lost it. i believe that aliens and vikings have formed some sort of massive inter-galactical alliance. ducks are the opposition.

the whole alien obsession started because of this ridiculous hindi movie-koi mil gaya. in this movie, a public holiday is declared by the disrict collector because he thinks its so awesome that the aliens picked his small little town to land in. another random scene in this movie involves a police inspector of the small little town, picking up a phone and calling ISRO. i mean, he actually says, “Hello, ISRO?”. common sense seems to evade film-makers in this country. after watching this movie, my brother and i decided that this movie is in fact the greatest movie ever made. where else would you see a blue alien who eats the sun and lives in a cane basket? this movie strengthened my belief in the existence of extra-terrestrials.

vikings were included in the alliance because of an incident during Euro 2008. in some match between 2 teams (one of which was either Sweden or Switzerland), the referee gave a yellow card to one of the members of the above-mentioned teams. but it was not a foul. my partner in crime a.k.a my brother then realized that the referee was Scottish. after pondering a bit, we realized that the referee was trying to avenge his ancestors who had been killed by the vikings. now as we all know, vikings belong to Scandinavian countries. a few minutes after the yellow card incident, an outage ocurred in the broadcast station. so for a few minutes all we saw was a blank screen. then we realized that the vikings had struck a quick deal with the aliens and requested them to cut off all satellite images of the match. thus began the long and glorious alliance between the aliens and vikings.

a few months ago, i had a particularly frightening dream in which i was killed by ducks. further investigation led me to some very crucial information. ducks are the ones that spread bird flu you know. they fly at night, when no one’s looking and spread bird flu powder over the unsuspecting homosapien inhabitants of earth. sadly, i have not been able to find out who exactly the ducks work for. investigations are still on.