Rant

In a miraculous twist of fate, I have survived the first rain of this monsoon. Why miraculous? – I don’t know. Really wanted to use the phrase ‘miraculous twist of fate’. As it turns out, this post is the lucky recipient of it.

Its the same story as last year. A road that was fine a week ago has suddenly developed craters. The wooden doors of my house have suddenly decided not to close in a peaceful manner.  And one does feel ever so guilty to shut it violently. After all this is the land of Gandhi. To add to the misery of peaceful existence, the tv stops working whenever there is lightning. So you get to hear fragmented dialogue such as – ‘ I love…baby..tampons’. Funny but not for long. Just as you begin to adjust to the ‘no tv’ bit, electricity supply gets cut off. This leads to an infinite number of calls to the electricity board. The kind operator on the other end then tells me to wait patiently till the storm is over. To which I say, ‘ WTF! ‘

Anyway, ranting about the monsoon and its side effects is really taking its toll on my creativity. Hence, I must end the post. Farewell jobless homosapiens.

aliens, vikings and ducks

as is evident from the title of this post i have completely lost it. i believe that aliens and vikings have formed some sort of massive inter-galactical alliance. ducks are the opposition.

the whole alien obsession started because of this ridiculous hindi movie-koi mil gaya. in this movie, a public holiday is declared by the disrict collector because he thinks its so awesome that the aliens picked his small little town to land in. another random scene in this movie involves a police inspector of the small little town, picking up a phone and calling ISRO. i mean, he actually says, “Hello, ISRO?”. common sense seems to evade film-makers in this country. after watching this movie, my brother and i decided that this movie is in fact the greatest movie ever made. where else would you see a blue alien who eats the sun and lives in a cane basket? this movie strengthened my belief in the existence of extra-terrestrials.

vikings were included in the alliance because of an incident during Euro 2008. in some match between 2 teams (one of which was either Sweden or Switzerland), the referee gave a yellow card to one of the members of the above-mentioned teams. but it was not a foul. my partner in crime a.k.a my brother then realized that the referee was Scottish. after pondering a bit, we realized that the referee was trying to avenge his ancestors who had been killed by the vikings. now as we all know, vikings belong to Scandinavian countries. a few minutes after the yellow card incident, an outage ocurred in the broadcast station. so for a few minutes all we saw was a blank screen. then we realized that the vikings had struck a quick deal with the aliens and requested them to cut off all satellite images of the match. thus began the long and glorious alliance between the aliens and vikings.

a few months ago, i had a particularly frightening dream in which i was killed by ducks. further investigation led me to some very crucial information. ducks are the ones that spread bird flu you know. they fly at night, when no one’s looking and spread bird flu powder over the unsuspecting homosapien inhabitants of earth. sadly, i have not been able to find out who exactly the ducks work for. investigations are still on.