Friends

Two more days and I’ll be off to college. Anyway, today’s post is all about my friends.

Creep – The most annoying person in the universe. Incredibly stupid. Has a Homer Simpson sized brain. Freakishly tiny for a 19 year old. Lazy. My best friend. Comes with me for all the lame movies. As random as I am. Remembers me as the girl who banged her ancient phone against the wall whenever it hung. Brilliant sense of humour. Cribs and crabs as much as I do. Basically, she’s me, minus intelligence and height.

Ash – My first true friend. Let me steal her nutella sandwiches. Sang funny songs with me. Talked with me so much during class on the first day of 10th grade, that our places were changed the very next day. Joined me in abusing teachers. Let me copy her homework. Got the exact same percentage as me in the board exams. Stood by me during one of the worst phases in my life.

Official Criminal – Technically, I’ve known her since we were 3. Studied in the same school from pre-nursery to 10th. Though, we truly became friends in junior college. Knows me better than she realizes. Makes me feel better when I’m down and out. Obsessed with her phone’s camera. Probably takes at least one picture of herself everyday. Crazy about Akon. Unbelievably talented.

Hong Kong Dame – Wise .Very adorable. My emotional soul mate. Her smile can lighten up anyone’s day. Makes me feel really guilty when I tease her. Lots of fun to hang out with. Always sees the brighter side of things. Cares deeply about her friends. Sucker for romantic stuff. Very funny when drunk.

Voodoo Chick – Twin sister of Hong Kong Dame. I hate to say this but she’s as awesome as me. Loves poetry. Zany personality. Doesn’t mind my sarcasm (most of the time). Very funny. Writes really good poems/ songs, just like her sister. Has wild mood swings. Oddly enough, I like her because of that.

Towering One – Freakishly tall female. She’s like a foot above the rest of mankind. Likes Aamir Khan as much as I do. Crazy about vegetarianism. Loves dogs. Unfortunately, doesn’t have one. Can do a really good imitation of Undertaker’s trademark rolled up eyes – very scary. Kind hearted. Is in a band (FREAKING AWESOME!).

And that’s about it. If you’re one of my friends and I haven’t mentioned you in this post, don’t feel too bad about it. Its possible I never really liked you in the first place.

The Idiot

Have a really bad migraine. One might think I’d stay away from the computer screen but as most of you know by now, I’m unpredictable. Somewhere under my extremely intelligent facade is an idiot just waiting to break free.  This idiot does not understand the concept of self-preservation. The idiot thinks sitting on a couch all day long is self-preservation – because that’s the position she’ll be fossilized in.

This idiot also firmly believes in not studying for crucial entrance exams which will literally make or break her life. Studying is something she abhors – an unnecessary evil. The last time she studied, she almost failed her board exams (57 % is so not cool).

My alter-ego is like Ford Prefect minus the Betelgeuse ethnicity of course. The idiot in me sees no wrong in roaming the universe wrapped in nothing but a towel. She also likes telling people the world is going to end very soon. (Let this not be a call to duty to orbiting Vogons. The intelligent me still needs to own a Ferrari.)

P.S.- Readers who didn’t understand the last paragraph must buy a copy of Douglas Adams’ Hithchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. All earthbound species must read this book.

pointless existence

just came across a blog -http://beforeshedies.wordpress.com/. basically, the author of the blog, Kate, has decided she must read 1001 books before she dies. readers of my blog might think i approve of such an amazing idea and yet, i don’t.

Kate is 18. that’s my age. and i don’t like knowing that there are freakishly intelligent teens out there. lament of the unintelligent, some might think. not true. i read too you know. i may not have read Metamorphoses by Ovid but I have read Voltaire (in your face Kate!). and anyone who hasn’t read Douglas Adams deserves to die a slow and painful death. however, the point remains the same – intelligent teens must be banned! (if you haven’t figured it out yet, i’m jobless and i like making up conspiracies and banning stuff.)

next topic – the bird armies concept is spreading like wildfire . after all, i came up with it. a lot of people, 11 to be precise are freaked out by the whole ‘mutated-birds-eating-away-at-humans’ thing. soon, 12 people shall be freaked out and then my plan for world domination shall be fulfilled (or some such less awe-inspiring thing).

today, i abandoned my usual routine of watching tv and lazing around my room. i actually clicked photographs of flowers in my garden. i also took photographs of phallic fruits. for some reason, trees in my garden insist on producing these. aliens may be responsible for this selective mutation of fruits.

P.S. – my sincere apologies to Kate for bitching about her. i would make it up to her, except i lack the willpower to get off my beanbag and do stuff for someone else. sorry again! but i really do think that her plan is amazing. hope she succeeds.