Changes etc.

I just realized that my blog is now 1 year 1 month old. Completely forgot about the milestone in July. Anyway, the point of today’s post is to recap the events that have occurred since I started putting up posts.

For starters, I’m finally going to do what I’ve always wanted to do – become a chef. However, the year I spent studying economics wasn’t a complete waste. I learned a lot. Did lots of crazy stuff. Became an expert at bunking lectures. I didn’t just sit around though. I remember walking through the tree-lined lanes of Bhandarkar Road, exploring the hill near the Ambedkar Memorial, talking to old-timers of the city, clicking photos of bungalows in side-lanes, eating chaat on the roadside in the monsoon last year. I’d go with Creep for a movie every week…sometimes it would be more than one. Remember getting high on citrus vodka in the afternoons at Creep’s awesome apartment.

The following is a list which details the things I’ve discovered since July, 2009.

1. 75% compulsory attendance is actually COMPULSORY.

2. I can walk freakishly long distances every day and still not lose an ounce of fat. Astonishing.

3. I make seriously good steamed caramel custard.

4. I’m very creative when it comes to rhyming stuff. sample – ‘ when love is in the air, the hair stands on the bear.’

5. Akshay Kumar is handsome but really can’t do comedy. Poor guy.

6. I’m incapable of keeping my room clean for long time periods.

7. I hate shopping. Thank you Official Criminal and Hong Kong dame, for making me hate it even more.

8. New ambition – own Zimbabwe. Love the inflation rate – 516 quintillion %.

9. The only way to counter puking while drinking is to drink more often. Increases one’s tolerance.

10. Michael Cera is my husband (OMG, Scott Pilgrim vs. The World! – major nerdgasm). If only he knew of our relationship.

11. Staring at a guy’s shoes for more than an hour can lead to embarrassing situations. The guy actually asked me if I’d met him before.

12. Pretending to be in a fake lesbian relationship with your best friend is a lot of fun.

13. Not having credit on your phone is very sucky.

14. Nike’s staff needs to be nicer to girls with big feet.

15. Doofenschmirtz is the world’s greatest scientist. Sorry Einstein.

That’s about it. I’m sorry if you died while reading this post. I provide no compensation. Sorry again. If, however, you are still alive, don’t worry, you will die soon.

new year, new decade, same old me

its 2010. a new decade has begun. and i’m still stuck in my same old ambitionless existence.

i’ve decided to recap 2009. beware, it might induce mass suicides due to its blah-ness.

first and foremost, Obama became Mr. President. cool stuff. great oratorial skills and best of all he’s not Bush. if only, he wouldn’t give 1 billion dollars to Pakistan. *sigh*
in other news, Hillary Clinton wore an orange pantsuit. what? i’ve never seen her wearing that colour before.

the Congress got elected once again back home. good news considering the other option was a bunch of raving Hindu fanatics. no apologies will be made for the above statement. also, Rahul Gandhi is looking way more handsome after the election.

last year i discovered that women and men in some parts of the world actually celebrate orgasm day. most of the women fake it of course-multiple times. the guys just doze off mid-way through.

i learnt never to get drunk with my friends-creep and official criminal. citrus vodka is a strict no-no. especially shots of citrus vodka. citrus reminds me, my garden grows ginormous lemons. seriously, they’re huge. never play tennis with it though. squirts juice straight into your eye. not a pleasant experience.

26/11/2009 was the one year anniversary of 2 important things- the terrorist attack in Bombay (i refuse to call it Mumbai). the other thing being me being responsible for a guy’s arrest. the loser had it coming. kudos, to the cops for not taking money and letting him go.

in 2009 i discovered the importance of attendance..and how much i hate it. 75% compulsory attendance is one of the many tragedies of life that i shall have to endure. c’est la vie.

Pedro Almodovar also acquired the rather dubious honour of being the first old gay man i’ve had a crush on. his movies are simply brilliant. everyone should see at least one of his films every year.

many celebrities died last year- Michael Jackson, Farah Fawcett, Patrick Swayze, Brittany Murphy etc. heaven shall no longer be a dull place.

an other very important discovery was made- i own a pair of CK jeans. who knew! my bed, as it turns out has storage space. one more place for me to dump things. three cheers anyone?

a brief recap of other events in 2009-
America sadly did not invade another country. but its all cool, suicide bombers killed the civilians who weren’t killed by the American army.

even though Pakistan has great food, they have an idiotic government. i eagerly await the next military coup engineered by the ISI.

i want to live in Micronesia. no one ever wants to go there. so, i might as well be the first to say it.

in what is perhaps the greatest tragedy, no seriously handsome head of government was elected to office in 2009. hopefully, in 2010, voters shall realize that they are in fact materialistic. maybe, the situation will change then.